Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would ride that face into the sunset
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
