hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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