I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
