1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
