There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
