is your mom at the bar?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
