You're my little dorito
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize