He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
