My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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