whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
