I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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