Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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