Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
