how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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