the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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