Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
