I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
