You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
