he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
