I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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