So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
