I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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