Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
