smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
