New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize