Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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