I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
