for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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