I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the condom got lost in my hair
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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