Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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