hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
