My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
