he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
