Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
