I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
