I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
