I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
