Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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