Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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