I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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