Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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