Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
