are you still at the devil's house?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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