He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
