She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
