I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
