All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
