Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
