dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize