So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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