I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
