Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
