Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
