i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
