Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
