I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
