her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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