i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
