Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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