you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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