I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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