What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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