What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
