I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
