You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
