I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
