I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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