I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
