Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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