I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
