I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
