lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
