it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
