I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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