grandma shit on top of the toilet
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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