Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
