I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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