i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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