Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
