I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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