Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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