I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
