I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
